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Those Pesky Voices In Your Head..

April 22, 2010 By Martha Wright

Have you ever experienced multiple voices in your head, each telling you to do different things? How about intense pressure in your chest, but your not sure what the pressure is telling you? Stop, go, rest, charge ahead? Assuming you’re not Sybil, or having a heart attack, these are totally normal occurrences. In fact, these voices and feelings are a critical source of information intended to help guide you in your decision making process. So, it is very important that you are able to decipher the messages and act on the input, which will support you.

Imagine you are splintered into multiple dimensions of yourself (I know, this is beginning to sound like Sybil, but read on). Each dimension represents a different aspect of your personality. These aspects are like children, all a part of you, and in the best possible situation, all lovingly integrated and matured within you. However in most families, not all of these personalities were lovingly accepted. In my last blog I asked you to remember which feelings may not have been ok to express in your family. These unaccepted feelings or personalities get shuttered away, ignored. We attempt to bury them inside ourselves. This attempt is a bit akin to trying to ignore an unruly child. It quite simply doesn’t work. That ‘child’ becomes louder, more demanding, and begins to dominate all of our interactions. That child is one of our voices, and it won’t shut up.

So, how can you tell if that voice you are hearing is one of your mature integrated personalities, or that unruly child from your past? First you have to understand what it means to be in reaction.

Reactions were formed in our childhood to cover or ‘protect’ the aspects of us that felt unloved. Let’s say you were very needy as a child. If you grew up in a household where needy wasn’t tolerated, you may have covered it up with happy (being ‘good’ all the time) or anger (rebellion- I don’t care what you think). Sometimes the reactive state is triggered by a present circumstance, and sometimes we live almost full time in the reactive state, constantly seeking approval and acceptance from those around us. Either way, it is important that you are aware when you are in a reaction, because when you are, you are no longer in present time. So, how do we know when we are in reaction? Here are the signs.

Whenever you think in terms of right and wrong (clue- you are almost always right)
When your brain will NOT shut up. You keep rehashing a situation over and over in your mind
When it is important to get others to agree with your point of view
When your response is outsized to the trigger (you may not think so, but others will)
When you feel like you have only two choices and they are both bad
When you feel compelled to act or not act
When you are feeling controlled by outside forces

When you are in a state of reaction, you are, by definition, not present. You are listening to the voice of a hurt child trying to rectify a perceived wrong. Those immature parts of you will seek out ways to heal and become accepted, but as long as that acceptance is focused on the outside world, it will never succeed. The only acceptance, which will heal these parts of us, comes from within. That means we have to stop pretending that others are ‘doing’ things to us, and recognize that we are the source of all our feelings, thoughts, and reactions. I will leave you with this final message to be addressed in my next blog:

No one can make you feel anything

Martha Wright is a Life Coach and seminar leader with over 20 years experience designing and teaching life skills in Fortune 500 companies around the world. She lives in Princeton NJ. 609-865-3743.

Moderated by Martha Wright.

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